Ten years ago this month my mom died after a long, drawn out, slow dance with early-onset Alzheimer's. The night before the anniversary of her passing, I 'randomly' (of course, I don't believe in anything happening randomly) watched a short film that had popped up in my YouTube feed.
'The Silent Child', the Oscar winning short film of 2018 about a profoundly deaf child, stunned me in how many parallels exist in the path of a deeply sensitive child. What a tragic reality it is that so many deaf children are not met in ways that truly support them. Heartbreaking for sure. True also ~ what a tragic reality it is that so many sensitive hearted souls are not met in ways that truly support them. Heartbreaking as well.
I highly encourage you to watch 'The Silent Child' and if it moves you in some ways you do not understand, you too may have a some version of a silent child within. It is hard to watch, but know that your pain is just a clue that something inside is ready to heal.
In my family, I was seen as the one who was sensitive beyond all reason. As my sensitivity was not met and mirrored, the 'real me' went into hiding and an 'imposter me' took over. This 'imposter me' learned to be overly compliant to cover over the deeply painful unmet need to be seen. In many ways, I had assumed the role of the silent child. But the innocent pure-hearted one never completely went away.
When I was quite small and playing the board game of 'Life' with my family, I asked (with so much sincerity that it nearly stops my heart even now), "Why do I have to have that job I don't even want to get the money?" That is a question I've lived with my whole life. In my mind, I was worthy of a life I loved. And a job I loved. I knew my worth. At five years old. In a very grounded, deep way. In this world where someone's entire worth is based on what they do and not on who they are, we can begin to see the conundrum for those young ones who are asking the deep questions of why our society has it so wrong. My family laughed.
If you think about sensitivity as DEPTH in a world of shallow seas, you can begin to how challenging it is for a deep and sensitive heart to stay connected with actual Truth in this modern world. Growing up, I allowed society's 'wisdom' to become the 'truth' for me, as the true wisdom inside of me eventually went SILENT. I also became majorly depressed and completely lost. Until I found a way to restore that inborn self worth. To give voice to the truth that set me free.
'A Course in Miracles' says "The real world is not like this. It has no buildings and there are no streets where people walk alone and separate. There are no stores where people buy an endless list of things they do not need. It is not lit with artificial light, and night comes not upon it. There is no day that brightens and grows dim. There is no loss. Nothing is there but shines, and shines forever."
If you want to reconnect to the place within you that knows the real world values you just as you are, now is the time. You are absolutely here to shine. Commit now to no longer silencing the voice in you that knows this world we live in is a world of madness. There is indeed another way. It is called HEALING. You are here to heal and to be the example for many, many others to heal. Say goodbye no longer to the innocent one inside you who believed in freedom.
As you extend more and more rounds of welcome to the innocent one inside of you that is longing to heal, you will be freed to live your most authentic and vibrant life. And then, one day, in the not so distant future, you will unleash new and unexpected levels of love and honor for those who could not see you, who could not meet your needs, who shamed you, ridiculed you, dishonored you. Because of them, you have been called again and again and forever again to be on the healing journey of restoration.
Restoration of your wholeness is within your reach now. Your vision, your voice, your truth - and the precedent of your transformation is needed in your community and in the world now.
And so, on this tenth anniversary of my mom's death, I honor my beautiful mother, Barbara Kiss. While it is true that she did not have the eyes to see me, may God bless her pure spirit. Through her, the universe gave birth to this quiet wild child who would ultimately never be tamed nor domesticated nor silenced for longer than was absolutely necessary.
Let us all wake up to the power of Who We Really Are.
"Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation." -Rumi